Finding the Courage to Speak… and the Grace to Listen
A towel with three simple words hangs in my powder room…
Grateful ~ Thankful ~ Blessed
I notice it every day, and each time it reminds me to focus on what is good in my world. As autumn shifts into winter with fading flowers, waves of leaves, crisp air, and the warmth of a crackling fire, the change offers gentle reminders of the many blessings that surround us.
This season also invites reflection. As I observe the world around me, I notice people who meet change with hope, gratitude, curiosity, and positive intention. I also encounter people who seem overwhelmed by anger, fear, and frustration. And sometimes that energy spills onto others.
Recently, I shared a simple opinion on social media and received some surprisingly harsh responses. There were insults, accusations, and words intended to shame or silence rather than engage in thoughtful conversation. My first reaction was to wonder… What has happened to the ability to simply hear one another?
We Can Disagree and Still Be Kind
Somewhere along the way, disagreement seems to have become threatening for many people. Instead of saying, “I see this differently,” some immediately attack the person who expressed the thought. Yet a difference of opinion shouldn’t invite a battle. It should invite reflection.
Maturity allows us to hear another perspective without needing to adopt or debate it. We can listen, consider, ask questions, and still arrive at different conclusions. We can even say, “I understand why you feel that way. My experience has led me somewhere different.” That is conversation. That is civil discussion. That is mature interaction.
Belittling, blaming, shaming, name-calling, and attempting to silence another person simply because we disagree closes the door to understanding. I have friends whose perspectives differ considerably from mine. We can talk, laugh, listen, and sometimes agree to disagree because our relationship is more important than proving who is right. That feels like something worth protecting. A treasured relationship is worth far more than forcing an opinion.
Have We Become Afraid to Speak?
What concerns me even more than the angry comments is hearing from people who say they have become afraid to express themselves at all. They hesitate to share a thought, ask a question, or offer another perspective because they know someone may attack them for it. It triggers old fears conditioned by the “do as I say… or speak when spoken to…” mindset. Why do some people seem ever ready to spew vile comments at another simply because they disagree? When did they come to consider themselves superior to another?
That troubles me. What has happened to our sense of civility?
We grow by exchanging ideas. We learn when we hear experiences beyond our own. Sometimes another person’s perspective strengthens what we already know, and sometimes it causes us to reconsider something we had accepted without question. Our voices matter. Listening with open minds matters. Hearing another opinion can make our own experience richer, deeper, more meaningful.
Freedom of expression carries responsibility as well. Speaking our truth does not give us permission to deliberately wound another person, and hearing something we dislike does not give us permission to demean the person who said it. A wise person can speak with courage and listen with grace.
I have been reminded of this personally in recent weeks, as thoughtful conversations and differing perspectives have caused me to reconsider ideas I once felt certain about. Listening with curiosity has opened doors I might never have discovered if I had simply defended what I already believed.
Wanting, Believing, and Knowing
One of the teachings from the Chronicles of Hope that continues to resonate with me is the difference between wanting, believing, and knowing.
Wanting can come from a sense of lack… I do not have this; therefore, I must reach outside myself to obtain it. Believing may mean accepting an idea we have learned or inherited from someone else. Knowing comes from a quieter place within.
When we truly know something for ourselves, there is less need to force another person to agree. There is less urgency to debate, condemn, or prove. We can remain curious while standing firmly within our own discernment. That place of knowing comes from deep inner connection. We simply know.
Perhaps that is one of the gifts of maturity… becoming secure enough in ourselves to allow another person the dignity to express their opinions and reach their own conclusions.
Grateful ~ Thankful ~ Blessed
Those three little words in my powder room have taken on an even deeper meaning for me this season.
I am grateful for the ability to observe rather than immediately react, to recognize when someone else’s anger belongs to them, and to choose the energy I wish to carry forward. I am thankful for people who have the courage to speak sincerely, ask thoughtful questions, listen with curiosity, and share their hearts with respect. And I feel deeply blessed to have people in my life with whom I can exchange ideas openly. We may hold different opinions while continuing to respect, appreciate, and care about one another.
Perhaps that is something all of us can practice a little more. We can pause before responding, ask rather than accuse, and become curious rather than combative. We can remember the old wisdom that when we point one finger at another, several point back toward ourselves. And we can recognize that someone else’s perspective does not diminish our own.
As Jesus said in the Chronicles: “It is the desire to enforce what you believe on someone else that generates the conflict.”
Let’s learn to embrace change, encourage mature discussion, and choose peace. And… if these people persist in being offensive, we can choose to unfollow, unfriend, and block them to protect ourselves from verbal assault.
A Thanksgiving Invitation
As we move into this season of Thanksgiving, perhaps gratitude can become more than appreciation for what we possess. We can also be grateful for the freedom to think, question, discern, and speak. We can be thankful for those willing to listen and feel blessed by the people who respect us enough to allow us our own voice… even when their voice says something different.
This Thanksgiving, cherish those people. Listen a little more deeply, speak a little more thoughtfully, and hold your truth with the power of confidence rather than force. Allow others the space to discover their truths.
And when the noise of the world becomes especially loud, protect yourself from negative energy, and return to that quiet place within where knowing resides.
May you recognize the goodness already surrounding you, appreciate those who walk beside you with honor and respect, and remember just how much there is to be…
Grateful ~ Thankful ~ Blessed
Blessings of Gratitude,
Lois Hermann
